Dancing for dollars, wise advice, and Fabio

"I thought you might be dancing with us!" Teri Hein said when I walked into Nectar Lounge the other night.

Uh, no. Five hours straight was a little beyond my capacity. But you kids go ahead with the "Dance Your Cash Off" dance marathon to benefit 826 Seattle, the writing and tutoring program in Seattle's Greenwood neighborhood for which Hein is the executive director.

The dance teams — with names like The Old English Majors and No Parking on the Dance Floor — were mostly made up of 826 volunteers like Nick Cain, a member of team Sashay Fierce.

If you pledged $10, Cain wore your name pinned to his shirt for 15 minutes, and performed a custom dance move in your honor.

First honoree? Cain's father, Ron Cain, a private investigator known for performing a dance called the "R.C.P.I." (get it?) at family functions.

"It's a lot of pointing down and knee-bending," the younger Cain said. KEXP DJ El Toro, who voices Mr. Geoduck for 826's publishing program (you have to see it) wasn't sure what he was going to start them off with, but settled on "Jump" by The Pointer Sisters.

The event's goal was to raise $28,000, but they had $26,753 before it even started and more than $31,000 Monday night, said Hein, who was dancing as a member of Dancing for Donnas.

"It's an homage to Donna Summer," she said.

Of course.

Whatever it takes, kids

The 826 dance marathon was co-hosted by "Art Zone" host Nancy Guppy and her husband, Joe Guppy, who just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.

How did they stay married? I asked.

They broke up for a while.

Neither wanted to divorce, so they just took a timeout, and realized what they had.

"We really crack each other up," Joe said. "Now we like each other more and more each year. It's a miracle."

Said Nancy: "I realized that I didn't marry myself, and thank goodness. I would have killed myself in a homicidal rage."

Next up? Dr. Duff

Duff McKagan, who left Roosevelt High School in the 10th grade and found fame with the L.A.-based band Guns 'n Roses, gave the commencement address at his old school June 19.

"I spent about eight hours writing this thing, on and off, and it was horrible," McKagan told me. "I tore it up and called a neighborhood kid who was graduating and asked, 'What do you want me to say?' "

Tell us your story of drugs and alcohol, the kid said. The people who aren't using want to know they're on the right path, and the ones who are "in the middle of stuff," as McKagan put it, want to hear about how you are.

So McKagan talked about his slow slide into addiction and rise to sobriety, but wasn't "too graphic," he said.

He also told them to "find a hero. Even if it's corny, like Clint Eastwood or Oprah, or someone you find badass," McKagan said. "Put that hero on your shoulder, and when you're stuck, ask what they would do."

When he finished, Principal Brian Vance surprised him with an honorary degree.

"It was very sweet."

Just so you know,

it's Lanzoni

Fabio. He's not just a pretty face.

The Harlequin hunk made the rounds of area Whole Foods stores last Friday, posing for photos with giggling women and pop-culture preservationists — but only those who survived the lecture.

Something about glutamine. Cystine. And whatever else is contained in Fabio's Healthy Planet Whey Protein, which he was selling for $35 a tub — autographed lid included.

"I'm telling you, you will lose six to eight pounds in one month," Fabio told me, apparently not caring that the line had stretched back to the seafood department.

It's no wonder, really; Fabio's still got it. Even babies couldn't stop staring at him and his hair.

What does he use on it? He tapped the tub of whey protein. Drink this once a day, and you, too, can look pretty good for 53.

"The majority of shampoo is full of chemicals... " Fabio began. I felt another lecture coming on so I ducked into the crowd.

Krystal Plonski, 24, of Seattle, remembered seeing Fabio on the cover of the romance novels her mother used to read.

"I kinda want him to sign my bra or something," she said.

No you don't, hon. Neither does your mother.

Names in Bold appears Tuesday. Reach Nicole at 206-464-2334 or nbrodeur@seattletimes.com.